I have to say I am extraordinarily excited about this new scar. I know what you’re thinking. Based on my prior results, how could I genuinely be dumb enough to take the plunge on a third tattoo? Have I not yet learned my lessons? Do I not already have 2 impractical daily reminders of just how much of a mistake it is?
If you recall from my last article, I withheld the 3rd reason I would want to permanently scar myself. As promised, this brings me to the big reveal…
- these “scars” are a blatant expression of my emotions leading me to action.
- I felt so attention deprived ➡ I got my first tattoo.
- I felt so self-righteous ➡ I got my second tattoo.
- a physically painful experience is also a satisfying emotional release.
- sometimes pain is a means by which I further punish myself in low times.
- sometimes pain helps to extract emotional duress and provide relief.
- Because I have always genuinely liked the way they look on me and others.
For an overanalyzer like me to wholeheartedly buy-in to such simple reasoning as number 3 is a feat that fuels my confidence in the decision. Even though my current tattoos aren’t representative of the beliefs and values I carry today, I still like that I have tattoos. And I have always wanted more. This time, I just took 10 years before I arrived at a conclusive, “yes, that’s what I want!”
Perhaps, I’m still a stubborn and naive idiot, but whatever. I could inhibit myself based on a fear of feeling stupid, but I’m kind of over that particular self-limitation at this point in my life. You’ll have a better grasp of this mantra of fearlessness if you read my book, Go Follow Yourself (wink).
Admittedly in my years between 18-22, I was not an individual of sound mind. I was also aimless and lacked core foundational values. That is not a great recipe to be following when you’re making permanent scar-type decisions.
Today, I have core values rooted in transparency, understanding, and individuality. I am far from aimless. The soundness of my mind is still debatable, which is to admit that I am definitely kinda crazy. But I’m not malicious so my craziness is more a character trait of my individuality than it is a problem that needs solving.
I very much so feel like I have an excellent recipe going into this 3rd tattoo, which will join my other two as a half sleeve on my left arm. I have the theme selected and the appointment scheduled. If you think I’m not gonna tease the theme, then you’re just as crazy as I am.
I’m not exactly sure how much of my current tattoos will be covered with this one because I’m leaving that up to the artist’s judgement. What I will say is this new tattoo will be a work of art because the artist is extraordinarily talented.
So, that is my rationale going into this 3rd tattoo. If I’m going to get it done, then I’m gonna spring for a highly skilled professional work of art. It is going to be a beautiful thing to look at that has notes of my individuality, but I will not be trying to say anything profound with this one. For once, my emotional despair is not leading me to a permanent scar. I have given this an immense amount of thought over many years and I couldn’t be more excited.
There is some subtle logic I’m using in my decision making process that I think is critically important to understand. It has to do with the way we choose to present ourselves to the world around us. This is how I arrived at my decision. There are two reasonings people follow when they are readying their appearance to present themselves to the world.
- I do not accept the way this looks. It doesn’t not represent me, so I need to make some adjustments to get closer to an acceptable appearance.
- I love the way this looks and I really want to build on this appearance by accentuating it.
My 3rd tattoo is rooted in both intentions. I no longer want to present myself to this world bearing just my current tattoos. But I love the way tattoos look and always have, so I do want to present myself to the world as a tattooed individual. This go-round, I am confidently calling my shot and proclaiming an emphatic Third-Time-Is-A-Charm. I have tweaked my intention for getting this tattoo. It’s slight but it’s a critical nuance.
Our intentions are so important went it comes to our appearance. We must not get caught up in the trap-mentality that is, “this is how I want others to see me.” I fell into that upon getting my 1st tattoo because I felt it was a solution to feeling attention-deprived.
But now, my intention is exclusively, “this is how I want to present myself.”
This is different because its aim rests solely in my hands with no regard for how it might be perceived by others.
We cannot depend on the approval others to reach our own individual self-acceptance. As a highly attention-driven person, I have spent a lot of time trying to be seen a certain way by my fellow individuals. It is a fool’s errand because we cannot control the perceptions of other individuals. There are an infinite number of positive/negative ways we can be perceived by anyone in any given moment and none matter all that much.
The reality is if you intentionally and authentically present yourself to the world then you are free. When you feel like you’re truly in your own skin, you release yourself from the burden of external judgement and societal expectations.
If we are confident in our choice and our reasoning, then how we are perceived by others becomes feedback that we can either consider or brush off. Either way, intentionally presenting ourselves without trying to be perceived a certain way by others is a mentality that can keep our feelings of self-consciousness, shame, and regret at bay.
The danger with
- I do not accept the way this looks. It doesn’t not represent me, so I need to make some adjustments to get closer to an acceptable appearance
is if you struggle with self-acceptance, then it’s plausible that will continue no matter how you decide to change your appearance.
Perpetual self-loathing is so much more than the way we look. We do have a plethora of options available to us in order to manipulate/alter our appearance, which can offer fast relief. But if you struggle with self-acceptance, then it’s only going to be temporary relief. Eventually, we’ll catch that glimpse of our reflection and no matter how much we’ve changed, we will immediately have that familiar feeling of self-dissatisfaction.
I have days where I look at my tattoos and I’m like “ugh, I do not like the way I look.” What I understand now is sometimes you just have shitty days where you’re in shitty moods. In those times, you hate more strongly and dwell more deeply on your mistakes. Per my first two articles, I have reflected on and now understand the individual I was when I made these choices and I no longer see my tattoos as a trigger for self-devaluation. I still have the feelings but they do not lead me to act any longer.
I have come to terms with myself. I accept that I will continue make “good” and “bad” choices for the rest of my life. And I will no longer self-devalue based on the outcomes. I will only seek to develop a deeper understanding of myself in each moment as I progress through life.
Stay tuned for the Countdown to My Next Tattoo…
