Thank you for following along throughout my 30-day Deodorant and Antiperspirant Free Challenge.
I’m happy to report that I’m done with antiperspirant. I’m sweaty either way and without it, I no longer have stains on the armpits of my shirts.
I will resume wearing deodorant though because
- I want to smell nice.
- I subscribe to the societal courtesy of not smelling unpleasantly.
I think both of these reasons just make sense to me. I enjoy smelling nice and being courteous. It’s as simple as that.
If you’ve been following along, then you know that the challenge within this challenge became about deprogramming the notion that
- it’s not okay to be sweaty and/or smell bad in any given moment
My approach to conquering this notion is to ensure that the above mentioned reasons for wearing deodorant are never followed by this reasoning,
- because I’m afraid that if I’m sweaty or smell unpleasantly, then I might be judged and shamed by myself and/or others.
After having my smelliest/sweatiest week of the challenge, I have definitely become immersed in the pursuit of self-acceptance for these natural bodily functions.
I’ve spent ~20 years of my life feeling ashamed and over the past 30 days, I’ve realized just how much of my focus and energy is being wasted on it. My trip to Colorado was especially enlightening as I was forced to navigate some external judgement. This Top 5 Smelliest Week of My Life was a perfect opportunity for me to practice my own self-acceptance and here’s what I’ve uncovered…
In Colorado, there was no raw apple cider vinegar, no shower, and a lot of hiking. It was rough. So rough that while hiking, a young kid shouted “ew, it smells like a skunk” as I passed by. My girlfriend, her family, and I got a good chuckle out of that. So yeah, it was noticeable and offensive for a couple days but I was able to see the humor of the circumstance. I feel like I’ve been able to gain some further comfort and acceptance for the way I smell rather than feeling embarrassed. It’s incremental progress but the ball is finally moving in the right direction. But that’s not all of the judgement I faced in the Centennial State.
Once my girlfriend’s family caught on to my BO, I became an easy target for jokes. Obviously, playful humor at my expense isn’t exactly the same as shaming me because it doesn’t have malicious intent. But jokes have a way of toeing the line between humorous | insulting. And people don’t always have the discipline to know when they’ve crossed, which means we need to have the self-confidence to not take offense. The more confidence we have in ourselves when we’re the object of scrutiny, the more we will be able to remain on the humorous side of this line.
Whether it’s lighthearted or mean-spirited, the approach to coping with this sort of scrutiny is the same. Firstly, don’t panic and engage with some sort of defensive rebuttal. That sort of reaction is fuel to the fire. When someone is trying to get under your skin, the worst thing you can do is allow yourself to be provoked. This sort of situation is all about minimizing the object of focus. A sure way for me to diffuse the scrutiny I was receiving from my girlfriend’s family was to own the fact that I smelled and treat it like it’s not a big deal.
“Of course I smell, because I’m not wearing deodorant and I haven’t showered for two days. I decided to go 30 days without any sort of deodorant because I thought it’d be interesting to see how my body responded. I actually don’t think I’ll wear antiperspirant anymore but I’ll probably go back to some type of deodorant after the 30 days.”
Because I had sound reasoning to back up my BO, I was able to be confident and non-defensive in a moment when someone was giving me a hard time about how I smell. Her family let it go once they realized that I wasn’t gonna take the bait and get all defensive.
Moving forward though, I won’t have this 30-day challenge as my viable excuse. But to me, it’s less about the reasoning and more about just being confident that it doesn’t bother me either way. The reality is no matter what excuse I happen to have, some people are just going be obnoxious and incorrigible scrutinizers. These are the individuals who think it’s okay to impart shame onto others. For their own entertainment, they will harp on us and even rally others to join in on shaming us. They are bullies.
Why do so many bullies succeed though? Bullies succeed because their victims validate the idea that there is cause to be ashamed. We do not have control over the actions of others or their desire to shame us. What we do have control over is whether or not we choose to validate their insistence. It doesn’t matter if what they’re saying is even true or not. What matters is that we have enough self-confidence to not let them convince us that we should be embarrassed/ashamed over it. If we buy into the bully’s agenda, then we have relinquished power to them. Once they know that they can control how we feel, they’re free to push us down whenever they so desire.
We will struggle greatly with our own self-acceptance once we start to buy into others negative perceptions of us. We must understand that we have no control over another’s perception of us nor should we waste our energy worrying about what others might be thinking. We need to focus on that which aims to build us up, not tear us down. I’m not saying it’s easy to combat bullies. I’m not saying it’s easy to combat our own self-defeatist thoughts. I’m saying that the only way to overcome these devaluations is to tirelessly pursue our own self-acceptance in every possible facet that we can think of. The more we accept about ourselves, the less ammunition a bully has to attack us and the less we will care about what others might be thinking.
We need to accept that
- we are going to have smelly moments.
- we are going to have sweaty moments.
- we have no control over others perceptions.
- we will receive unwanted attention.
- we will be judged.
- others will want to impart shame onto us.
- etc. etc. etc.
I think the only time we should allow ourselves to feel shame is when we have defied our own core values in some way. In that case, it’s no other’s responsibility to impart shame onto us but our own. It’s an exclusively personal self-induced consequence that we can use to teach ourselves to not defy our core values. In all other circumstances whether it’s our natural bodily functions (or basically anything else for that matter), we must release ourselves from any insistence that aims to make us feel embarrassed/ashamed.
If we smell nice, then it’s because we want to, not because we’re afraid of the consequences of having BO.
If we have BO and are sweating profusely… Well… Circumstances of life hardly subscribe to the idea that they must accommodate any of our individual preferences/expectations in any given moment. In other words (to poach a cliche), shit happens.
Thank you for following along and I hope this 30-day challenge has resonated with you in some way and/or provided you with some sort of perspective that you were seeking.
